Welcome to Frankfurt, the world's largest bedroom. Where the the farmer-bankers are bitter, and the Würstchens are cold-blooded. Come join us, but be aware to set your SEXpectations right!

I love this city, but let’s face it, Frankfurt is a big bedroom. Let me put it this way, if there was a social media platform called “Sexbook”, then all of the Frankfurters would somehow be connected to each other. For those of you smiling right now, you know that’s how it really is. For those thinking, “I didn’t sleep with that many people!”… Well dear, even if you only slept with one Frankfurt guy, be assured that he slept with at least a handful of Frankfurt girls before you – and from there, the numbers just multiply. x10, 100? After all, we are the financial city of numbers!

Remember the story of Claudia and that low-life-banker-farmer-man, Mr. Cutlery? Yes, he was the one that lied to her, promising her a beautiful future together, only to get her into bed. But that’s not all ladies and gentlemen. Apparently Mr. Cutlery also slept with Claudia’s best friend’s roommate – during the same timeframe – knowing that the girls are friends! Our pal Karma is always on the lookout for such dirty characters. Mr. Cutlery is a miserable and depressed man. From a young age growing up at the farm, all he ever wanted was to be loved. He didn’t get this love. Now this empty man roams the streets of Frankfurt, manipulating women into sleeping with him. Poor Mr. Cutlery. Let’s all pray for him.

Expectations. They are a killer. If not met, one can get drowned by dreadful feelings of disappointment and sadness. Why do we do this to ourselves? Isn’t it better to simply not expect anything, and let ourselves be surprised when something good happens? Wouldn’t this save us tears and pain? This reminds me of Jilli’s story. She met a tall lawyer at the Schwedlersee. Let’s call him “Mr. Whitey.” At first, he was a charming gentleman. They met a few times, and spent hours talking and laughing. However, the disgusting Mr. Whitey had a plan set up all along! One evening, he took Jilli to a charity event on a boat. All was well, and then… BOOM! His ex girlfriend showed up in their group. Mr. Whitey “forgot” to mention that he took Jilli with him just to make his ex jealous, because he was still after her love. Jilli was simply used as bait! What a filthy degenerate jerk! It was awful, and Jilli couldn’t get off the bloody boat! Swimming in the Main was looking better and better with every minute! Finally they docked, and Mr. Whitey lied to Jilli that he lost his keys, and couldn’t get into his flat. She felt sorry for this poor bastard, and let him sleep on the couch. Of course he tried his luck, but Jilli didn’t even give him a millisecond of a chance! In the morning, this moron “miraculously” found his keys in a “hole” in his pocket. Later on, Jilli heard from an acquaintance that – surprise surprise – also dated him, that he has problems in the “performance” department – I guess Ms. Karma has paid a visit to him already.

I saved the best for last. I was invited to a house party of a fabulous Frankfurt girl that everyone loves. She has a heart of gold, and is very kind. Let’s call her “Beauty.” We were sitting in the kitchen, drinking Prosecco and laughing. The doorbell rang, and a few of her friends came in. All of a sudden, Beauty’s face lost its color. Along with the others, a guy that doesn’t deserve to own a proper name, walked into her flat with a strange woman. We all know him as the local communication design conception hip hop psychopath, named after an action hero's inferior partner. I will call him Can. (Short for garbage can!) Beauty was shocked because they had slept together a few months ago! However, she showed her maturity and let him into her flat. I knew their story. We decided to let the past die and enjoy the evening. After a while, nobody saw Can and that strange alien woman anymore. We searched everywhere for him. We went to her bedroom, and the door was locked. Beauty felt a shiver run down her spine. She pushed the door open… and hell broke loose! She saw Can having sex with the alien woman on her bed! The same bed they were together in a few months ago! Can saw her and jumped in the air, scratching his boiled Frankfurter Würstchen on the edge of the bed! What a scene. I was in shock! The alien was screaming naked on the bed looking for her panties, Beauty was hysteric, Can was running through the flat naked on his way out, and everyone at the party just froze in time – like a scene out of the matrix, except without red or blue pills – just high on good old Frankfurt drama. That’s not all boys and girls. Can ran away naked, and forgot his alien on the bed. She was crying the entire river Main on Beauty’s bed. Of course Beauty didn’t have the heart to throw her out because this poor little alien was young, and didn’t know what a lowlife Can really is. An hour later, as this catastrophe was discussed, it turned out that 3 other women in the party were sleeping with Can – during the same week! And not one knew about the other! He lured them in with nice talk and false expectations! Can knows that he is a cowardly parasite, so he decided to leave Frankfurt in shame and ridicule. It turned out that long ago, a girl hurt his feelings, and damaged his soul for the rest of his life. Poor Can, nobody ever truly loved him, and no one ever will. What a harsh reality that must be for him!

The common factor in all 3 stories is that these men were also victims of their expectations for the love they didn’t receive in the past. Look how this damaged them! The Bad Boys of FFM keep on recycling the women, and these poor girls usually do not know when they are falling into the trap. Why? Because of expectations. Maybe he’s a good one? Maybe he’s the one? I would suggest to go into such encounters keeping in mind the “SEXpectations!” Best is to take it slow and get to know him before. A few extra dates without lovemaking wont hurt you, but might save you weeks of heartache after. Now, are you ready to step into the world’s largest bedroom?… I dare you!

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.