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Galia Brener's Column

Are you dating a cheater?

Foto: Galia Brener
Foto: Galia Brener
Once a cheater, always a cheater! Ladies and gentlemen be careful, because the players are out there and they are very convincing. But how do you avoid falling into the seductive trap of a cheater? Read here to find out.
Before I start the article, I would like to state that cheaters are both men and women. I wrote from a woman’s perspective, but this can also be read for men as well. Both sexes are equally guilty as charged.

Congratulations! You met a great guy who is sweet and wonderful to you. You go out on a few dates, and everything seems to run smoothly. You get the mesmerizing butterflies in your stomach, and feel like you can glide through the silver clouds. Saturday night comes and he takes you out for a delicious romantic dinner. You have a few glasses of wine and feel yourself melting away into paradise. All of a sudden, he mentions something the rips you right out of bliss and throws you violently into hell! Topic? The ex. A few stories are exchanged, and he reveals that he cheated on her. No, “of course” he didn't mean to. It was no big deal… the love was already over… it was just a kiss, just a finger, just a rub, just fast sex, just whatever. Blah blah - yes you heard correctly. He cheated on her. And of course he would “never” do that to you. Well guess what? Most likely he will: Once a cheater, always a cheater.

My friend Gloria fell for this type of "cheating-gentleman". They met at an art exhibition at the SCHIRN in front of a piece that he loved, and she hated. He was used to all the girls agreeing with him, so her counter opinion turned him on. Jimmy was very attractive. He was the classical tall, dark and handsome lawyer. Everything on him was made to perfection, and his seemingly friendly, warm smile captivated Gloria from the very first moment. They started dating and she fell head over heels for him in the first week. Everything was going well until she found out from a friend that he once cheated on her best friend. She was shocked but didn't mention it to him, because she thought with her he will be different, and besides, it was a long time ago. As the months went by, she noticed their time spent together was decreasing. Whenever they were out, he went to the bathroom with his phone, and turned it face down on the table. He had whispered calls, and sometimes didn't call or text her in the evening and morning. On Saturday he was supposedly sick, so Gloria went to the Kleinmarkthalle to buy him stuff to make a soup. When she arrived at his flat, someone was leaving downstairs and held the door open for her. As she made it to the second floor, she saw Jimmy saying goodbye and kissing a girl that spent the night at his place.

Poor Gloria was devastated, and almost fell down the stairs because her knees were shaking so much. Fucking bastard. Of course he begged and said it didn't mean anything, and he loved only her. He said it was a one-time deal and would never happen again! He was such a great actor because he even managed to squeeze a few tears out of his cold, lying eyes. Gloria gave him another chance. I pleaded with her not to do it, but she insisted that she loved him so much, and he swore on his life to never cheat on her again. Everything went well for the next half a year, and I was almost beginning to believe that some people really could change. However one day, Gloria found an anonymous letter in her mailbox with a photo inside. The photo depicted Jimmy with a beautiful brunette, having sex in a bathroom of a well-known trendy restaurant in Frankfurt.

This is a horrible feeling, especially if you really love someone. So how do you avoid this in the future? Well, the first and most important thing is your intuition! I like to ask, as a matter of conversation, "Have you ever cheated on a partner?" You'd be surprised how many men have actually answered "yes" to this question! There are also “cheating signs” to pay attention to within the relationship such as: he is spending less time with you, his clothing and style have suddenly or drastically changed, he spends more time in the office “working” later in the evenings, his telephone and Internet habits have changed, he looks - or even worse - flirts with other women, he takes the phone with him everywhere, including the bathroom and turns it face down on the table, he becomes less affectionate with you, the sex decreases, he doesn't share his thoughts and feelings with you as much as before, he seems withdrawn and less attentive, he takes less interest in your life, he doesn't talk about his future plans with you, or your common future together at all. Unless he has recently lost his job or made career changes, the signs above may indicate infidelity.

If you have the feeling he is cheating, I would advise you to talk to him about it. Communication and the lack of, will make or break your relationship. Personally for me, cheating is the worse thing that anyone can do in a relationship to hurt me. I cannot and will never tolerate it. Cheating is definitely a deal breaker for me, and I'm not one to give second chances. If marriage and children are involved it might be a different story. Better find yourself a man that will love and adore to be with you, and would do anything to stand by your side. Loyalty is very important for me, and I'm turned off right away when I hear that a man has cheated before. Even if he doesn't cheat on me, I know that he did so before, and can do it again. I've heard too many cases of repeat cheaters, and unfortunately this doesn't change. If you're tough enough you can give one chance, but more than one would be absurd. A snake can change its skin, but never it's personality. If he cheated on his ex with you, he will most likely do the same to you. Think twice dear ladies. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
28. July 2017
Galia Brener
 
 
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