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Galia Brener's column
 
Galia Brener's column
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Every man has an "open window"
It's not just about the luck, it's about the right timing! Every man has an "open window" in his lifetime when he is ready for marriage and family. Open your eyes, be selective, and find a good man, who is open.
Have you ever wondered why some girls meet a new guy, and everything works out quite quickly? In a matter of months they get engaged and start a wonderful life together. Well, it's not just about getting lucky; it's about meeting a man in his right time. I call it the "window" because every man has his window, or time frame when he meets a woman and is willing to get married and start a family. So girls, keep your eyes open for a good man who has an open window for you!

This reminds me of a situation with a friend's cousin. He was dating a great girl for over 6 years. She was waiting for the moment when he asks her to marry him, but unfortunately it did not come. He was even mean enough to ask her to loose weight. When I heard this story, this made me so angry! But she complied with his request, and looked even more beautiful after. Of course after everything, she continued to wait and wait. One summer day he was invited to go out with his buddies, and he met a woman. He was fascinated by her, and couldn't stay away from this woman for more than a day! He was very mesmerized by her character and values. He broke up with his girlfriend and moved in with this new woman within a month! 6 months later he asked her to marry him. Now they live in a nice house, happier than ever. His ex was devastatingly heartbroken. I asked him why he didn't marry his ex? He said that he was not ready. And after half a year, he was ready to marry this new girl. He said something changed within this year, and he felt that he was ready. Granted, the new girl was different. She was independent and very unique, and she met him at the right time. She caught him when his window was open.

Lately I find myself asking, where is the fairness in this? One woman wastes years and years on a man, and the other meets a man and gets married within months. But now I realized that it’s not about the luck, it's all about the timing! I for example, would not find it possible to date someone for 5 years without knowing that it would lead somewhere. This is simply a waste of time, and girls we know, we are not getting younger. So why waste your time with a man that doesn't plan a future with you? Sure, there are rare cases when you date a man forever and suddenly he decides to make a true commitment and get married. But unfortunately I hear of more cases where nothing happens after years, and eventually the couples break up, like the story of my friend's cousin.

My advice would be to talk about this earlier on in the relationship. Open communication is extremely important. It's crucial to say what you want, without being scared to lose your partner. After a year, you should be able to tell your man where you see this relationship going. A friend of mine told her boyfriend of a year that she is not the kind of girl that can date someone for years and years without a true commitment. She let him know earlier on what she expects from their partnership. After a half a year he asked her to marry him, because he knew that she would not waste her time. He knew that if he wanted her in his life, he would have to make the next step, and so he did! He did not feel pressured, he was simply ready for this next step, and he did it.

Ladies, please do not fear to lose your man. Be brave enough to tell him what you want. And realistically speaking, if he truly loves you, he will want to spend the rest of his life with you. If he respects you, he will not make you wait for 7 years before giving you a ring. But sometimes men also need a little push. Not an aggressive demand, but a hint that you can imagine more with him. This also shows him that you are a serious girl. In the worst-case scenario, you are stuck at 40 years of age with a man that you have dated for 7 years without a serious commitment. Why put yourself through this? Of course not everyone wants to get married, but many women do, so why restrict yourself? Your life is in your hands, so why not make the best out of it? What you decide for yourself is how you will live your life, so please choose well!

Ladies I can only say that we must speak up for ourselves. We have the possibility to say what we want, and when we want it. The biggest mistake to make is not to communicate what you want. To sit and wait for years is not a solution. But unfortunately not everyone has the power to speak up. Many are scared if they say what they think, the man will feel pushed and back out of the relationship. But then again, can you afford to date someone for years, and not speak your mind and express your desires? Life is short, and time flies by. So please don't make this mistake by dragging out a relationship too long, and losing the right time to make the next Step. This is also a test to see how much your man truly loves you. If a man has a strong love for his woman, then he will definitely want to make her the mother of his children. If not, then it will take him ages to marry her, and there is actually no reassurance that he will marry her at all. It's like playing Russian roulette, so why take the risk? Talk to him, and see where it is all going. Don't be afraid, if he truly loves you, then he will understand. If not, then be happy to get rid if him. Why give yourself to a man that doesn't appreciate it? Catch the man at the right time, and start a wonderful life together. You definitely deserve it. If you respect yourself, then so will he. Girls it's all about the right timing. You do not have to give up your dream of marriage and family. Have faith that you deserve the best, and it will come to you. Never sell yourself for less than you deserve. And don't forget...keep your eyes open for the right man who has an open window!
21. April 2017
Galia Brener
 
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Yes, No, Maybe?
Galia Brener writes every Friday about love, relationships, life, events and lifestyle - in Frankfurt! You can personally contact Galia Brener with your questions and comments via Facebook or at galia@journal-frankfurt.de

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